By Reggie Starr
That’s right! Dick designed his version of the successor to the ill-fated ocean liner Titanic immediately after seeing the James Cameron flick back in summer of 1998. “I was inspired, devoting the entire weekend — nearly 24 hours altogether — creating my updated version,” says Kulpa.
“THIS Titanic is most definitely ‘unsinkable.'”
Immediately after noticing the name “Titanic 2” on a Facebook story post by an erstwhile colleague, Kulpa says, “I then noticed the word ‘millionaire’. That’s when I sprang into action here.”
Kulpa’s design is considerably more advanced than what’s on drawing boards now, as he also envisioned the Titanic 2 as a part time space ship. “The only way to assure that a second ‘Titanic’ would be ‘iceberg-proof’ was to put it out in space,” says Kulpa, who added “there are no icebergs up there.”
But there ARE comets and asteroids, and Kulpa says his design deals with that. “I’ve added a bat-asteroid repellant impulse globe to the Titanic 2,” he said, admitting to have gotten that idea from the 1966 Batman movie.
“As an added bonus, my ship’s (proposed) technologically-advanced NERFAR navigation system tracks all incoming comet routes and steers the ship clear. “Plus,” Kulpa said, “a classified number of anti-UFO particle beam lasers are installed at strategic places around the Titanic 2, just in case.”
“If disaster does strike, ‘Nearer My God to Thee’ will be auto-played in surroundsound throughout the entire ship — no need for a live band,” Kulpa says.
“On a happier note, my Titanic 2 features 25 restaurants, 5 movie theaters, 3 space observatories, a NASCAR race track, golf course, 2 bowling alleys and more,” says Kulpa. “Entertainers, balloon artists, magicians and facepainters will be all over that ship, and lucky passengers will get free caricatures drawn by South Florida caricature artist Captain Cartoon himself!”
“After all, it takes some doing to get this boat going,” says Kulpa. “Take a trip on the Titanic 2 and you’ll be out there for some time, so it’s gotta have it all.”
Kulpa put his plans for the Titanic 2 on hold after a crazed CEO purposefully canceled his distribution, but the ship has been posted to the web since 1998. “I’ve been looking for an investor, but thus far, nobody’s jumped — yet,” says the eternally optimistic Kulpa. “By the time they get this thing built, space travel should be as commonplace as anything else — and profitable,” he says.
In terms of a “new” Titanic 2 design emerging, Kulpa definitely owns the name, and the work shown here certainly confirms his efforts already into the project.
“Fact remains, I was here first — that kangaroo jockey will just have to change his to the Titanic 3, or it’s ‘Pay up, BUCKO’ — though I AM open to a little deal,” he says. “I don’t view ALL millionaires as evil…just one. I actually admire THIS guy,” he added.
Kulpa also tacitly suggested that he be played in a new Titanic 2 movie by an aged Leo DiCaprio in 2033. “Gotta plan ahead,” says Kulpa.
Updates will be posted on Dick Kulpa’s news website.
Dick Kulpa is the former publisher of CRACKED Magazine and former editor of Weekly World News.